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Denji Destiny

I’m starting to think I’m genuinely cooked when it comes to my love life.
Denji is the main character from the Manga series Chainsaw Man. On the surface, he just seems like your typical teenage gooner. Once you start to think about his character, you realize he is much more than a teenage boy. The reason he is like this is because he wasn’t raised by any of his parents and on top of that he has to pay back his dad’s debt to the yakuza so will do anything, anything for money. The more you see his sad reality you start to realize that his view of a perfect life is just a blurred view of desires and basic needs. When he gets found by Makima, a pretty lady that is the head of the Devil Hunters, Denji immediately latches onto her, not just because she’s attractive, but because she represents something he has never had: safety, affection, and direction. Denji doesn’t understand healthy relations or love because no one ever taught him. His life before becoming Chainsaw Man was about survival, not connection. As a result, he confuses basic kindness and attention with love and intimacy. And the women that approach Denji, like Makima, see how he can be easily influenced. Denji’s obsession with girls isn’t rooted in confidence or experience, but in deprivation. He has been denied normal human needs for so long that even the smallest gestures (being praised, touched, or acknowledged) feel overwhelming to him. This is why his goals often seem shallow or crude: he isn’t chasing romance, he’s chasing proof that his life can be more than pain and hunger. What makes Denji’s character compelling is that his desires are honest. He doesn’t pretend to be noble or heroic; beneath everything, he simply wants to be loved. His fixation on girls, physical attention, and shallow goals is not about lust alone, but about craving emotional validation in the only way he knows how. Because Denji has never experienced genuine care, love becomes something he associates with attention, approval, and physical closeness rather than trust or emotional intimacy. The reason people misunderstand Denji is because the author cleverly masks this vulnerability with humor, crude jokes, and exaggerated behavior. Underneath the sarcasm and comedy, Denji is a neglected kid desperately searching for someone to choose him, not for his power, usefulness, or obedience, but for who he is as a person.

In his words, “Everyone’s after my chainsaw heart! What about my heart?! Denji’s! Does nobody want that?!”

You’re probably wondering why I did a whole character analysis on an anime character. It is actually very relevant to me and how I view myself. I will start by saying I have low standards, but a high criteria. “If I find you cute and very interesting then I’ll go out with you” is how I explain my thought process when I say low standards and high criteria. The thing that I’m starting to notice is that all the girls I deem as interesting are just alternative girls that are somewhat mentally ill. And I’ll admit it: It is very appealing to me, I don’t like girls who are boring/ super mainstream or posers. I like someone who is very genuine about what they like and they have a genuine personality. The reason I have this as a criteria is because I start to see that this is the way I am: I do not lie about what I like just to attract girls and I’m an honest and caring individual to those I love. The thing is that I happen to either attract or be attracted to these somewhat mentally ill alternative girls that share all the interests as me. And for someone who has a lot of experience with talking and dealing with alternative girls I start to find myself turning into Denji to some extent.
I have never met a girl that perfectly fits my criteria, but when I do, I get extremely excited, even from something as simple as talking to her. That excitement quickly turns into overthinking everything, even the smallest details. When I talk to girls like this, I always fall into the mindset of, “I really like her, I hope I don’t mess this up.” Because of that fear, I go out of my way to please them, buying them things, driving long distances, or doing whatever I think will make them happy. What I’ve realized is that the girls I’m most attracted to often take advantage of this. Whether they mean to or not, they manipulate me through affection, praise, flirting, or attention, and I fall for it every time like a moth to a flame. You’re probably wondering, “Just have more self esteem,” but when I try to pull back or protect myself, I end up losing them. That fear of losing them shows how cooked I am. I’d rather stay with someone I find deeply appealing, even if they manipulate me, than me with someone who is boring to me all because I can’t find another person within my criteria. I keep putting myself in these situations because, at the core of it, I just want to be loved by someone I truly like. And because of that, I keep getting hurt. Now I just feel like I’m chasing another Makima, someone who knows I care too much and uses that against me. I’m not chasing pain on purpose; I’m chasing love even when it hurts me.